It's a big week for good humanity

It's National Volunteer week.

I've signed up for an extra shifts on the RAINN Online Hotline. You can celebrate by going to idealist.org and finding something to do.

Idealist is an interactive site where people and organizations can exchange resources and ideas, locate opportunities and supporters, and take steps toward building a world where all people can lead free and dignified lives.

Tomorrow is the National Day of Reason, which I will be celebrating. It's also the National Day of Prayer, which I will not. What about you?

Tomorrow I'm also going to be switching to the new blog name. The winner, with 61% of the votes is Hop To It. I'm not entirely sure how to do it, so things may get a little wonky around here until I figure it out. Thanks to everyone who voted on the new name!

How to get shit done when you're depressed

Or overwhelmed. Or distracted. Any and all of the above.

Don't take it one day at a time. Or even one hour at a time. Take it one task at a time. Tomorrow can feel like an eternity away if you can't even get out of bed today. So laser-focus on the tasks themselves. When you brush your teeth, really clean the shit out of them! That second molar on the bottom hasn't received enough attention lately, so you should probably be liberal with the brushing and flossing back there.

Objectify it. It's hard to make decisions and get shit done when it's all so personal. If you're perceiving some crappy busywork from your boss as an insult, you're going to get angry and work slower. It's much easier to think of it as simply a task that needs to be done without getting your emotions involved. Not only will you avoid getting upset, you'll become ruthlessly efficient.

Throw out your huge to-do list. Plan instead on accomplishing 5 things each day. They don't have to be great feats either. Writing them down creates opportunities to feel successful when you cross them off. Here's my to-do list for today:

1. Apply for 5 jobs online.
2. Get the mail at 4:45pm.
3. Call my cousins in Tennessee and see if their house is still standing.
4. Drop the netflix in the mailbox around the corner.
   
5. Write a blog post.
   

Each task has a reason. #1 is obvious because I'm not a millionaire. #2 helps me maintain a routine and gives me something to look forward to. #3 will give me a chance to talk to people I love and exercise my vocal chords. #4 is especially important, because it gets me out of the house and requires me to change out of my jim jams.

This is #5. Check! But the reason is because I like to blog. And it's important to do things you like. I've been told that depression can cause you to lose interest in activities you once enjoyed. So if you still enjoy something, do it.

Answer the phone. I have a nasty habit of letting everyone go to voicemail. It's partly because I love dancing around to my ringtone and partly because I don't want to expend the effort required to have a conversation. But lately I've been actively trying to answer more often and I haven't regretted it. I set up some interviews and found that chatting with my friends actually makes me happy. Imagine!

Remember to eat. (Disregard if you're one of those people that eats your feelings.) It doesn't really matter what it is, but healthier is better for obvious reasons. I've been subsisting almost exclusively on toast for about 3 weeks now. Good thing I take a multi-vitamin! Eating something, anything really, will help combat fatigue and lethargy. Those are the devils that tell you to just watch another Law & Order episode on TNT instead of tackling your super-easy and totally doable to-do list.

Ask for help. Most people don't even know you need it unless you ask.

Contact your Congressman

So a while back, I reminded you to contact your Congressional representatives because y'know, their actions represent us. When they pass stupid shit like the Patriot Act or No Child Left Behind, we do too. Yikes.

But it's kind of intimidating, just calling up your rep and demanding stuff, right? What do you say? Who should you talk to? How should you go about it? Well, I came across an eHow article detailing just that.

They're your representatives in Congress; you pay their salary and they work for you. So there is no reason why you can't contact your Congressional representative. You might want to explain why you think she should vote a certain way on a bill, or get him to help solve a problem you're having with the federal bureaucracy

It's specific to just the House of Representatives, but you can easily translate the ideas to the Senate, as well as your local and state legislators. It recommends emails, which is a good first step. I've sent a few to my representatives, but have only received form replies. If you're concerned that you'll be disregarded, it's a good idea to get on the phone. That way you'll know that at least 1 person has heard what you have to say.

How to make people think you care about them

So I sound like a sociopath, so what? Truth is, I care very much about people, individually and collectively. It's just that they might not know it. So maybe a more apt title would be, "How to let people know that you care about them." But that's kind of lame. These highly insightful tips are useful for a number of reasons. People who think you care about them are more likely to trust you, to like you, to care about you in return. Making them think you care about them can lead to friendship, marriage, and/or a successful money-swindling scheme. Because I care about you, I will enumerate them for ease of reading.

1. Actually care. Not required, but extremely helpful. Be interested in what they have to say, how they feel, and about the events that are going on in their lives.
   
2. Buy them stuff. Careful! Buying someone's affection often backfires if it's not accompanied with genuine care and love. But a little something out of the blue is great. Ex) My friend is in school for massage therapy. I saw a massage therapy magazine one day that looked really interesting and informative, so I got her a subscription. It didn't cost a lot and I was able to show my friend that I was thinking about what's important to her.
   
3. Really listen to what they have to say. Don't remember COM 101? Well, check this helpful page on active listening for details. An easy way to do this is to devote all of your attention to them while they are talking. Turn the TV off. Step away from the computer. Look at them. If you're on the phone, go sit someplace where there aren't any distractions.
   
4. Don't disagree with them. Go back to the active listening page and figure out how to apply the paraphrasing and primary empathy sections. Suppose they've got some whack opinions that you don't agree with, but don't really want to get into an argument over. Showing them that you're listening and restating their ideas back to them will help them feel validated, while you didn't admit to agreement. This works best with old people and children.
   
5. Call them to do stuff. Making plans to include them is an obvious way to show someone that you want them around. But don't be an idiot about it. Your friend that just got dumped probably doesn't want to go the the bridal expo with you. And as much as you want your athiest friend to go to church with you, I bet he or she really doesn't want to.
6. Do stuff that they want to do. So maybe you're the recently dumped or athiest friend. Go anyway! They will appreciate it and you may not hate it (although you probs will.)
   
7. Tell them. This is the one that I suck at most, which is a shame since it's arguably the easiest to pull off. Maybe I will add this to my half-hearted resolution list.

There you have it, an easy peasy little guide to making people think you care about them, whether you do or not.

Internet Volunteerism II

I (unshockingly) passed the background check! Now I've got a lot to do before I can volunteer for RAINN's online hotline. It's a total of 40 hours of training, stretching all the way into February. Here's what I have to do next:

1) 10-hour online tutorial about rape and sexual assault
2) 10-hour online training program specifically about the Online Hotline
3) 14-hour in-person training which will be held on February 2-3, 2008.
4) 6-hours of supervision

It all sounds so intense and probably very uncomfortable. But y'know what? I'm excited! It feels good to have a goal with clearly laid out steps to achieve it. I'm going to start this weekend. Relevant updates to follow.

Previously.

Internet volunteerism

A few days ago, I mentioned a non-profit that I really like and support: RAINN. Like I said, it's so easy to say you're against rape and sexual violence. It's not so easy to be proactive in fighting it. Feeling motivated and inspired, I took my own advice and went to RAINN's volunteer page and applied to be an online support staffer.

It works like IM basically, which all my friends and I still use every day. (SRSLY, I've had AIM since I was 13 and briefly messed around with ICQ, Yahoo & MSN messengers, but we all know AIM is king.) RAINN's online hotline works a little differently in that it is a wholly self-contained system. Everyone has to go through the RAINN website, which is helpful because it's secure and free and anonymous. Someone who has been sexually assaulted for example, can just log on and talk to a trained volunteer and get some help.

I feel really good about this. In an increasingly digital world blah blah blah people my age and younger are communicating and finding information online blah blah blah. According to RAINN, 80% of victims of sexual violence are under age 30 and they are exactly the demographic this online hotline is shooting for.

So I submitted an application and now I have to wait to be contacted if they want me so I can set up a training session and then wait for a background check. Hope those youthful indiscretions don't come back to haunt me! (jk jk jk) I haven't heard back yet, so we'll see.

16 Days of Activism

With little mainstream fanfare, 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence started on Nov 25th, which was International Day Against Violence Against Women. Dec 10th, International Human Rights Day is the last day. The idea is that female rights are human rights and these 16 days of activism should be linked.

While I'm a little late to the party, I'm starting to take a huge interest in the feminist agenda. Here's why: I know a lot of weak women. I know women who literally turn their lives inside out (even to the detriment of their mental health) because they want to keep a man. Women who choose abusive men over their own children because they don't want to be alone. Women with no education, working minimum wage jobs and barely providing for their kids as single mothers. Women who don't even know that they deserve better.

The thing is, as much as I'd like to grab them and shake some sense into them, I never do. I think, hey, I know you're trying to support your kids, but you're not doing them any favors by being so miserable. Or, HEY! Wake the fuck up! Look at your life! You married an asshole and you need a fucking divorce!

But I don't say anything because it's hard. Because it's not really my place. Because when you're poor and uneducated, the last thing you want to hear is some uppity college grad lording her success over you and telling you how to live your life. Because I don't want to deal with the tears or the denial or the anger or any of the emotions really. Because if you act like nothing is wrong, you can't be held responsible for the consequences.

I've been feeling a lot of regret about this lately. I know that I can't control anyone else's actions. I can't make sexual predators, wife beaters, and child molesters change their ways. I can't force anyone to pursue an associate's degree. But I never tried. Sometimes sins of omission weigh more heavily than the ones we actually commit.

16 Days of Activism has inspired me to do what I can. And I can do a lot. I can call CPS and report abuse. I can research good divorce lawyers and counselors and offer recommendations. I can speak up when I know there's a problem and not shuffle it under the rug. I can keep trying when I meet resistance and accept that rocking a very delicately balanced boat will often lead to some things going under.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some phone calls to make.

You can't give away what you don't have

I'm trying to be a good human. I'm really trying to be nicer to people, volunteer my time, give notice to worthy causes, be less of wastoid, etc. I wrote last month about the things that inhibit me the most in my quest, but I left out the giant elephant in the room: money. I'm going to deviate from my normal blogging topics because money is an overarching theme in the lives of those who don't have it.

I don't have a lot of money. My boyfriend and I live in a very expensive city and almost 1/2 of our income goes directly to rent. We also have a combined $50k in student loan debt, of which I carry the majority. That's a lot.

Last year the bf consolidated his $20k student loan debt and chose a graduated repayment plan. Big mistake. Sure, his payments for the first 2 years are about $100 cheaper than they would be if he just chose a level repayment, but his payments are pretty much all interest, as in, he's making almost no dent in the principal balance. It kind of feels like treading water, he keeps paying, but the balance doesn't ever seem to go down.

Now on my end, I just consolidated my loans, something I really didn't want to do. I didn't want to stretch out the repayment term because I know that doing so adds thousands more in interest. Plus, the interest rates are astronomical right now! But I really didn't have a choice because I can't afford the monthly payments otherwise. So I consolidated at 6.75%, and now I'm stuck with it. Even though as the economy continues to tank, the rates will drop, but I won't be able to re-consolidate at a lower rate. This is one serious flaw with the Federal student loan system and it shackles so many college grads with unnecessary interest debt. Not cool!

In the end, I decided to go with Bank of America over Sallie Mae for my consolidation. I guess there was some change in the law (of course I'm fuzzy on the details, I'm only one of thousands being affected by it!) so that many lenders are no longer offering a 1% interest rate reduction after 36 consecutive on-time payments. B of A still offers this, along with .25% interest rate reduction for enrolling in direct deposit, both of which I'm going to take advantage to the fullest. And yet, I'll be 42 at the end of my loan term.

I know in the greater context of the world, my student loan debt isn't such an atrocity. However, shelling out $300+/month to pay for my admittedly mediocre state school education when I could be putting that to better use at the food kitchen or sponsoring some kid in Africa or sending presents to brighten my little sister's day, well it really kind of sucks. If there were ever a topic to get this generation off their keisters and write their representatives in Congress, this just might be it.

Here are some things I could do with $300/month instead of pay back this damn loan:
1) Donate a laptop.
2) Save for 3 or 4 months and get a damn couch.
3) Sponsor 12 poor kids.
4) Leave a HUGE tip the next time I get my nails done.
5) Save it, so my little sister won't have the same headaches later on.

BRR!

(February 2007: That's me. And my old neighbor in the full length camo snowsuit Yeah, the snow is as tall as I am.)

I'm originally from Western NY. You know, by Buffalo, where it snows a lot. Then I went to school in Oswego. Maybe you heard about it on the news? I'm intimately familiar with the dreaded lake effect snow. What I'm trying to say is, it gets really cold. And snowy. And sucky.

And now that I live in NYC, the weather has been a lot better. But this week it's been freaking cold! And I haven't fully unpacked since moving here (don't judge!) so I couldn't find my winter coats. That blue one in the photo is so warm and awesome. I've had it for years and it's held up to some brutal winters.

I thought, "This is no problem; I'm from Upstate! I've lived with snow and bitter temperatures all my life! Only the locals (or what I used to imagine the locals looked like) would need a coat down here. I'm too tough for this." And so on.

But I was wrong. As it turns out, without my awesome Columbia Bugaboo, I'm no tougher than the locals. I found it today and I was soooo relieved.

I started thinking, what if I didn't have a winter coat at all? Lots of people don't. So this woman in San Francisco (do they even need coats there?) started One Warm Coat, which is where you can donate warm winter outerwear, find a coat drive in your area or start one of your own. They even get sponsors like the Burlington Coat Factory and The Gap to pitch in. Awesome right? So look them up, then be a good human and look in your closets and donate! One Warm Coat makes sure that the coats and mittens that they receive are given away for free to those who need them.

Don't call it volunteering

So here at Be a Good Human, I'm documenting my efforts to... uh... be a good human. And I'm trying really hard! (At being a good human, but not so much documenting my efforts.)

Irregardless! I'm looking to volunteer more. Right now, I don't actually volunteer at all. Sad story, I know. I want to volunteer at Planned Parenthood, but I think I'd really like to work directly with kids. Also, there isn't one in my neighborhood. WTF! So I've been checking out Nework for Good in order to find something I'm interested in. There are a lot of possible places I can volunteer my time.

However, I don't really like the calling int "volunteering." That makes it sound like my time is idle, and a couple of Saturdays every month don't matter. Well actually, I'm pretty fucking busy! I have to commit to block out time to devote to charitable work. And it also makes it sound like it's unnecessary. Like not everyone needs to volunteer; only those who have the time. That's silliness, as everyone should be able to make the time.

There's gotta be a better way to say it. Or maybe I'm just being sensitive about it. Maybe, as I've tagged it, I'd rather take action to fill a need that I see. I do like the idea of siezing the opportunity rather than just raising my hand and volunteering for it.

Planned Parenthood is Awesome

I'm a huge fan of Planned Parenthood. I used to go there when I didn't have health insurance and they gave me birth control pills for $15/pack. That's a good deal!

But besides the money I saved on pills, they saved me a lot more by making helping me choose not to have children. From their website, "For 90 years, Planned Parenthood has served women and men who want to decide when and whether to have a child — who believe that every child should be wanted and loved."

That's not to say that I wouldn't love a child. Duh - of course I would! But I definitely don't want one, not right now. I'm seriously considering getting rid of cable so I can have an extra $60 or so per month - there's no way I could afford a kid. And that's the thing, every child should be wanted and loved. Love isn't enough to raise a family.

But what I really like about PP is that they're more than just birth control and abortions. They offer a full range of reproductive health services to women in an honest, supportive, non-judgmental way. From what I've been told, the doctors and nurses there don't make whole lot of money, but they work there because they know they're providing an invaluable service.

I was just reading a PP sponsored blog, Emily X, "the true-life diary of a frontline Planned Parenthood worker and activist." It mostly features various PP doctors, nurses and volunteers talking about their interactions with protesters and picketers at their local health center. This was in response to anti-choice groups starting a picketing campaign from 9/26-11/4, called "40 days for life." The Nov 2 posting, from a doctor who practiced in the same clinic as Dr. Barnett Slepian isn't particularly riveting - it's just some guy talking - but when you think about it...holy shit! There was a very real chance that he could have been killed and yet he still went to work everyday to provide these services for women. That's ballsy. If I ever saw him out, I'm sure I'd buy him a drink.

In sum, Planned Parenthood is awesome. The people working there provide great services, even in the face of danger. You can find a local health center by going to their website. I just thought you should know.

The Sweetest Day

I love the Sweetest Day. I don't even care if it was made up by candy companies in an effort to push more product. I prefer to more romantic idea that Herbert Birch Kingston, a blue-collar candy factory worker, wanted to do something nice for the poor, the aged and the sick - the people that society generally forgets. That's how I try to celebrate the Sweetest Day.

This year is going to be fun, I just know it. I'm living in a new city that typically doesn't celebrate the Sweetest Day (it's more of a Great Lakes region/midwest holiday) and my mom is coming to visit for the weekend. She's also never been to NYC before, which is kind of exciting for her, and kind of a lot of pressure for me. I want to make sure she has a good time.

Here are Five Fun Ways to Celebrate the Sweetest Day, even if you have little to no money:

1) Call your Grandmother. Or send her flowers or some yarn for her knitting or a nice thoughtful card. If she's not around, go to a nursing home. You'll get over the smell in like 15 minutes and it turns out, old people are a lot fun. And even if they're mean and crotchety, you can laugh to yourself and hope you'll be that feisty when you're 160, too.

2) Go to the Hospital. Find the ward with all the sick people in it. Hang out with them. Play some video games. Bring a deck of cards or a board game. Don't let them win - they know when they are being patronized.

3) Make Dinner. At the local food pantry. Don't just donate food or money to your fave charity; actually go there and pitch in. Clean up a park. Apply to volunteer at the local Boys & Girls Club. Donate blood. Look up more ways you can get involved in your community here.

4) Give a Kid a Laptop. Yeah, it's like $200, but you get a tax write off (whatever that means). If you wait until Nov. 12, you can get one too. I'd love to drop $400, but then I couldn't pay my rent.

5) Spend Time with People You Love. Invite some friends over and cook up a nice meal for them. Enjoy their company and let them know you like having them around. The Sweetest Day is a great opportunity to tell people how much you appreciate having them in your life. But don't say it just like that; it sounds creepy and weird.

BTW, mark your calendars: the Sweetest Day is always celebrated on the 3rd Saturday in October. It's on 20th this year.

R-E-C-Y-C-L-E

I just had to share this video, even though it's totally bootleg and filmed from a camcorder in front of a TV. I loved Rocko's Modern Life when I was a kid.

So I work in an office building in midtown Manhattan and we don't recycle. I hate it. Think about it: what is the majority of garbage created in an office building? PAPER! Easily recyclable paper! I asked the building manager and he said there is no program in place. So I emailed accounts payable, just to be sure that we're not paying for a program that we're not using.

I often work until 7 or 8 in the evening, so I'm here when the cleaning lady comes and I can verify that all the garbage, even the recyclables goes in the same trash bag. I'm not ok with this.

So I'm going to see if I can start a recycling program for my building. It's 2007! Shouldn't this be mandatory? Updates on my progress to follow.

And now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day.

Write your representative

OK, I admit it: I've never written to my representatives in Congress. I don't even know who my rep is in the House (although, to be fare, I did just move). It's just not something I thought about doing. This Consumerist post was just what I needed to hear. It makes it so easy to just grab a pen and write your rep. I mean, how are they supposed to know what we want if we don't tell them?

"Members of Congress work for you. Without your votes, they won't stay in office. They go to great lengths to cultivate a positive relationship with you, their boss. Very few people take the time to write to a Member of Congress, so the few that do carry a disproportionate influence.

Fifteen minutes is well worth the time to influence a $2 trillion enterprise."

Oh and by the way, you can find your representative in the House here and in the Senate here.