58th Carnival of Feminists

Welcome to the 58th edition of the Carnival of Feminists! I'm seriously, seriously thrilled to have you here. If you missed the 57th edition, go check it out at Pandemian.

(And while I have your attention, please take a quick sec and vote for my new blog name over to the right. Thanks! Thanks for voting everyone! Check out my new home at Hop To It!)

So I'm going to break down these excellent submissions based on things my 13 year old sister has said to me. (Translations in parentheses.)

OMG that's sick nasty! (My top picks)

OHH MYYYY GODD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Unitari from Antidrown
"When dealing with issues of women in Muslim countries, even the compassion that comes from some women in the US sometimes takes the form of "Oh my god!" I know, stoning is a savage idea and it's appalling. But when you say "Oh My God!" to make yourself feel better, it shows."

This is How Much a Woman is Worth in America by Cara from The Curvature
"This man raped and killed a woman, a woman who he had only met that night. More than just being a horrible person, he’s a menace to society. This could have been anyone. And for that, he will spend 5 years in jail. Maybe. He’s eligible for parole in four years."

Porn Part 4: Half of the Big Picture by Nine Deuce from Rage Against the Man-Chine

"Men often tell me that they can make a distinction between porn and real women, but I find that a little hard to believe. I would like any dude who uses porn who reads this to do me a favor and think about something: what exactly is the difference between the woman you date, or work with, or know from school, and the woman you last jerked off to?"

Sex Criminal Fashions by Holly from Menstrual Poetry
"Rape is not a funny word, action or mindset and it should most definitely not be used in a comedy bit; the same goes for the word pedophile."

He called me a bitch so I said he was just mad 'cause I wouldn't go out with him. (Misogyny & Sexual Assault)

Last post on rape! (This week) from Advancing the sum total of human knowledge and endeavour!
"I no longer call myself a 'rape victim'. I don't use that term at all, any more. I don't define myself by what's happened to me, I define myself by what I've done."

Self-harm in prisons on the increase from Socialist Unity
"Why couldn’t the staff intervene every time she came back from her therapist by talking to her rather than leaving her alone in her cell where feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness were festering?"

Pictures at Work John Philips from The Word on Employment Law
"What if someone just brings the magazine to work and shows it around the office? Is it ok if a woman does it? Not ok if a man does it?"

You're never too young for implants by Nine Deuce from Rage Against the Man-Chine
"[I]f you want to live up to today’s model of femininity, get ready to starve, cut yourself up, and eschew having a personality that goes beyond being a snottie hottie."

Mothers are best friends and fathers are... by Unmana from Unmana's Words
"So if the mother becoming a friend leaves the child parentless, what is the father doing?"

My new boyfriend is like, really nice. He gave me his cookies at lunch today! (Relationships)

Recognizing Verbal Abuse in Relationships from The Eclectic Female
"Verbal abuse often stems from inadequacies in one’s self, not from perceived negative characteristics in another. This type of behavior is often observed among pre-teen girls who use verbally abusive comments to establish dominance and social hierarchy over one another."

Disillusionment with Love and Marriage from Quest for The One
"So, for over 150 years, individuals have come to personal realizations that love is not what they thought it was when they were 15 years old."

I don't even know why you like Miley Cyrus so much. (Badass chicks)

Firefly and Serenity from Heroine Content
"Firefly/Serenity is a new take on the western frontier adventure story, which is certainly another area of traditional film misogyny."

No Trespassing, My First Short Film by Holly from Menstrual Poetry
"I usually keep my creative endeavors pretty secret until there is something super exciting to say about it and this is most definitely super exciting!"

Art Nouveau - Where Pinups Got Their Start from Tali at The Pinup Blog
"The Women in Mucha’s painings are natural, beautiful and surrounded by beauty. Their sexiness is an inherit trait. Some are classical, some are modern, all are regal and most look you straight in the eye."

Blog for Fair Pay for Women from Womenstake.org
A list of all the bloggers that posted in support of the Lilly Ledbetter Act.

Wait, who is the president again? (Politics)

A glass ceiling for women? by Nick from Understand Media Blog
"Hillary Clinton constantly receives jabs because of her gender but has no opportunity to respond to those comments. This is because the comments directed towards her are subtle, perhaps even subconscious."

Biased Journalists and Bloggers, Heal Thyselves!from Mad Kane's Political Madness
"And that brings me to my latest limerick" (You gotta click through for it!)

Was Jesus a Jew or a Muslim? (Religion)

Dissecting the Burqa from Kejda Gjermani's My Piece of Mind
"Not only does wearing the burqa imply an overly sexualized sense of self, but it also silently spells out a moral condemnation of all women who do not abide by such anal and self-demeaning standards of 'modesty.'"

A True Measure of a Man by Janak Patel from Crude Bliss
"She is for compassion - never letting go, always giving it time She is for believing - it will one day, be all okay She is for loving unconditionally - and if it takes sacrifice, so be She is for understanding - the truth yet respecting others viewpoints She is for wisdom - gathered from the beginning of time till the end of space"

I was late for my Spanish class because I was talking to my friends in the hallway and I almost got detention! (Last-minute submissions)

Part-time smartschmuck-time and Finished! and Of course! It's teh girleez' fault! from Deborah at In a Strange Land.

Thoughts on the Tyranny of Marriage at Tax Time and What's Wrong with this Article? Marriage and Taxes, part 2 and Thesaurus.com Says 'Female' is Equivalent to 'Weaker' from don't ya wish your girlfriend was smart like me?

Thanks again for reading! Check out the long-awaited 59th Edition over at Philobiblon!

Lysol your ladyparts

(Click for larger view.)

Found this at The Essentia Sphere and just had to repost it. Because OMG SO RIDIC! Nevermind the implications that your smelly vag is causing marital strife, I can't even imagine the havoc this would wreak on "delicate tissue." Gah!

Feminism at its Finest

Great name for a carnival right? I love alliteration. Anyway, it's up over at Menstrual Poetry and it's a really good one. Holly does a phenomenal job, as usual. Go read it!

Wherefore the hot wife?

I stumbled upon this Slate article from 2005. (Though I did not StumbleUpon it, actually.) It discusses the phenomenon in teevee sitcoms known as "fat guy, hot wife." Writer Matt Feeney points out sitcom couple after couple that are "ill-matched looks-wise." These couples had a lot of other endearing little quirks in common. "In addition to their girth, a signal characteristic of these men is immaturity. Most of them are unable to master the simplest daily tasks." Oh, and the women have no real discernible personality or value besides being the hot wife that graciously puts up with her clumsy husband's antics. Having never really watched the shows mentioned, I skipped down to what appeared at first to be a pretty spot-on explanation:

"It's tempting to register a feminist complaint about the message these shows convey—that they perpetuate the view that women shouldn't expect autonomy or fulfillment in romance and marriage. They do, after all, play to a certain male fantasy: living the gluttonous, irresponsible, self-absorbed life of an infant and basking in the unconditional love of a good-looking woman."

But alas, that's not it at all. As Feeney explains, the reason these incongruous pairings are so common is because women watch sitcoms, too!

"In portraying husbands as lousy parents, marginal breadwinners, and repellant sexual partners, the fat-husband sitcoms convey a persecution fantasy"

That's right! Women want to be saddled with an irresponsible, lazy, all around jackass of a husband to satisfy our persecution fantasies. Ugh.

Now, that's not even the worst of it for me. Men are given a pass to be overweight, sloppy, crude, etc, whereas the women are relegated to playing the stunningly beautiful martyr, bravely putting up with the slovenly man she loves. Why aren't women allowed to be unattractive assholes? Is that not acceptable for television?

Wimminz Carnival

53rd edition of the Carnival of Feminists is up at Uncool, featuring lots of great lady-posts from great lady-blogs. I'm in there somewhere. Go! Now! Check it out!

Misogyny in office supplies

Inspired by this post from The Curvature and this one from Days in a Wannabe Punk's Life I bring you this from the loathsome ad agency that represents Axe body spray:

See what they did there? You're not just surfing the net, you've got your whole fist up some disembodied whore's skirt! Click those buttons; scroll that little wheel thing; you know she likes it! After all, she's got no mouth to tell you no and no hands to fight back. Ha! Ha!

In my estimation, Axe users not only smell like cheap man-perfume, they're misogynistic assholes, too. Definitely NOT proof of good humanity. If you can't boycott all Unilever products, banning the purchase of the crappy Axe line is a good start. Being a good human means not supporting ones that aren't.

Ugh, disgusting. Source.

Don't be that guy

(Note: I edited this post like a day after I posted it because it felt a little bit like an overshare. The main idea, however, is still intact.)

I knew a guy in college and he was a DICK. It was clear to me that he hated women. He was always making rude comments and inappropriate jokes and all the guys would laugh and think he was being so risqué. No one ever said anything when he crossed the line, probably because none of the guys wanted to be that guy, the one who looks like a pussy. Or maybe they thought he was just kidding and didn't really believe all the stupid shit he said.

(What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing! You already told her twice! Ha!)

Then one night after a bunch of us went out to the bars, he somehow made it back to my dorm room. (No wonder college age women are at the highest risk of sexual assault!) I try to give everyone a fair shake, even if it's obvious that they suck at life, so we chatted for a while. When I was ready to go to sleep, and for him to leave, he decided that he wanted to stick around. Things got ugly and I ended up having to physically fight him to get him out of my room. Ugh what a douchebag.

No harm done, however. I'm tough.

The thing is, this fuckstick never should've been going out with us at all. I didn't like him one bit and neither did most of the guys I knew. But he persisted in being his douchey self and everyone else persisted in not telling him that he was a misogynist asshole.

So imagine my delight when in my Google Reader appears a perfect blog post with everything I've ever thought to say to those guys who don't want to be seen as that guy. Here is a small excerpt, although it's really worth it to read the whole thing - and then forward to like everyone you know.

"‘Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that and you just can’t reason with them and you can’t live with ‘em can’t shoot ‘em and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen and if they can’t play by the rules they don’t belong here and if they can’t take a little teasing they should quit and heh heh they’re only good for fucking and cleaning and they’re not fit to be leaders and they’re too emotional to run a business and they just want to get their hands on our money and if they’d just stop overreacting and telling themselves they’re victims they’d realize they actually have all the power in this society and white men aren’t even allowed to do anything anymore and and and…

I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass."

From Shapely Prose via Zombie Z.

Light reading

The 49th Carnival of Feminists is up at Days in a Wannabe Punk's Life and there's almost that many entries! I've only been able to skim through (stupid job taking up all my damn time), but I've gotta say there are some great posts in there! Tamil was also gracious enough to include my 16 Days of Activism inspiration post. Go check it out!

16 Days of Activism

With little mainstream fanfare, 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence started on Nov 25th, which was International Day Against Violence Against Women. Dec 10th, International Human Rights Day is the last day. The idea is that female rights are human rights and these 16 days of activism should be linked.

While I'm a little late to the party, I'm starting to take a huge interest in the feminist agenda. Here's why: I know a lot of weak women. I know women who literally turn their lives inside out (even to the detriment of their mental health) because they want to keep a man. Women who choose abusive men over their own children because they don't want to be alone. Women with no education, working minimum wage jobs and barely providing for their kids as single mothers. Women who don't even know that they deserve better.

The thing is, as much as I'd like to grab them and shake some sense into them, I never do. I think, hey, I know you're trying to support your kids, but you're not doing them any favors by being so miserable. Or, HEY! Wake the fuck up! Look at your life! You married an asshole and you need a fucking divorce!

But I don't say anything because it's hard. Because it's not really my place. Because when you're poor and uneducated, the last thing you want to hear is some uppity college grad lording her success over you and telling you how to live your life. Because I don't want to deal with the tears or the denial or the anger or any of the emotions really. Because if you act like nothing is wrong, you can't be held responsible for the consequences.

I've been feeling a lot of regret about this lately. I know that I can't control anyone else's actions. I can't make sexual predators, wife beaters, and child molesters change their ways. I can't force anyone to pursue an associate's degree. But I never tried. Sometimes sins of omission weigh more heavily than the ones we actually commit.

16 Days of Activism has inspired me to do what I can. And I can do a lot. I can call CPS and report abuse. I can research good divorce lawyers and counselors and offer recommendations. I can speak up when I know there's a problem and not shuffle it under the rug. I can keep trying when I meet resistance and accept that rocking a very delicately balanced boat will often lead to some things going under.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some phone calls to make.

Feminism for humanity

I'm working on being a better feminist. No man's gonna hold me back from what I want, but.... OMGTHERE'SABUGKILLIT!!!! I still have a ways to go, I suppose.

My appreciation of Planned Parenthood showed a nice spike in readers (Thanks, Google Analytics!) and so Menstrual Poetry decided to include it in the latest edition of Feminism at its Finest. Go check it out!